A GOOD MAN

Making Eye Contact

The Mastery of making eye contact

Eye contact is powerful. A single glance can build trust, spark interest, or make someone feel truly seen. But not everyone knows how to use it effectively. Some people avoid it altogether, while others overdo it and make things awkward.

Then there are those who seem to have mastered the art. They lock eyes with confidence, connect effortlessly, and leave a lasting impression wherever they go. What’s their secret? It’s not just natural charisma—it’s a set of habits they’ve developed over time.

Here are eight of those habits that can help you do the same.

1) They embrace the pause

 Most people rush to fill the silence. It’s natural—pauses can feel uncomfortable, and in conversations, we often equate them with awkwardness. But those who are great at eye contact know that a well-timed pause isn’t something to fear. It’s something to use.

They take a moment before responding, letting their words land and allowing the other person to feel heard. And in that brief silence, they hold steady eye contact—not in an intimidating way, but in a way that exudes confidence and presence.

This habit makes their conversations feel more intentional, more engaging, and ultimately more memorable.

2) They don’t just look—they see

I had a conversation with a person whos eyes showed real curiosity like they were fully present in the moment. They noticed when I hesitated, when my expression shifted slightly, and when I got excited about a topic. And because of that, I felt understood in a way I hadn’t before.

That experience changed the way I approach eye contact. Now, I don’t just look at people—I pay attention to what their face is saying beyond their words. And that small shift has made my conversations so much deeper and more meaningful.

Trust isn’t built with words alone—body language plays a huge role, and eye contact is one of the most powerful signals. Studies have shown that people who maintain steady, natural eye contact are perceived as more trustworthy and credible. It makes sense—when someone looks you in the eye while speaking, it signals confidence and honesty. On the other hand, breaking eye contact too often can create doubt, even if unintentionally.

Great communicators understand this. They use eye contact to reinforce their words, to show sincerity, and to make others feel valued. Whether in business or personal interactions, this simple habit can make all the difference in how people perceive you.

5) They make eye contact feel effortless

I used to overthink eye contact. Am I looking too much? Not enough? Is this awkward?

But the more I paid attention to great communicators, the more I realized—they don’t force it. Their eye contact feels natural because they’re relaxed. They aren’t staring intensely or counting seconds in their head. They’re just present in the conversation.

Now, instead of treating eye contact like a task, I focus on genuinely listening. When I’m engaged, eye contact happens naturally. And when I do need to break it? I do so casually—glancing to the side for a moment instead of looking down, which can signal nervousness.

The best eye contact doesn’t feel like a technique. It feels like a connection.

6) They know when not to make eye contact

You’d think that constant eye contact would make you more engaging, but sometimes, breaking it at the right moment is just as important.

When people are thinking, processing emotions, or sharing something personal, too much eye contact can actually make them uncomfortable. That’s why the best communicators know when to ease up—giving the other person a moment to collect their thoughts without feeling pressured.

In high-stakes situations, like negotiations or difficult conversations, briefly looking away can also diffuse tension. It signals that you’re considering what’s being said rather than just trying to win the interaction.

Eye contact is powerful, but knowing when not to use it? That’s a skill of its own.

7) They engage the whole face

Eye contact alone isn’t enough—it’s how you pair it with the rest of your expression that makes it truly impactful.

Think about the last time someone looked at you with completely blank eyes. It probably felt distant or even unsettling. Now, think about someone whose eyes lit up when they spoke to you. That small difference changes everything.

People who master eye contact don’t just use their eyes—they engage their whole face. A slight smile raised eyebrows, or a subtle head tilt can make interactions feel warmer and more inviting. It’s not about forcing expressions but letting them flow naturally with the conversation.

When your eyes and face work together, eye contact stops feeling like a technique—and starts feeling like a real connection.

8) They focus on the other person, not themselves

The moment you start worrying about how you’re making eye contact, you’ve already lost the connection.

People who are great at eye contact aren’t thinking about themselves—they’re fully present with the person in front of them. They’re not obsessing over whether they’re looking too much or too little. They’re listening, observing, and responding naturally.

When you shift your focus away from yourself and onto the other person, eye contact stops being something you have to “get right.” It just happens—and it leaves a lasting impression without you even trying. Eye contact is about connection, not perfection

If you’ve read this far, you’ve probably realized that great eye contact isn’t about following a rigid set of rules. It’s not about staring for exactly the right number of seconds or worrying about every glance. It’s about being present, engaged, and aware of the other person.

Because in the end, eye contact isn’t just a skill—it’s a way of making people feel seen, heard, and valued. And that’s what truly leaves a lasting impression.

Emily Rhodes
Feb. 13, 2025
3 min read

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3) They match the right balance of eye contact
Too little eye contact and you seem distracted or uninterested. Too much, and it can feel intense or even unsettling. The key is finding the right balance.

Research suggests that the ideal amount of eye contact in a conversation is about 60-70% of the time. This keeps interactions engaging without making the other person uncomfortable.

People who are great at eye contact instinctively adjust based on the situation. They hold eye contact when listening to show they’re engaged, break it occasionally to keep things natural, and know when to soften their gaze to make the moment feel more comfortable.

It’s not about staring—it’s about connection.

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4) They use eye contact to build trust