FEAR

Transforming- Fear into Love

The Four Mantras

We have a great, habitual fear inside ourselves. We’re afraid of many things—of our own death, of losing our loved ones, of change, of being alone. The practice of mindfulness helps us to touch non-fear. It’s only here and now that we can experi­ence total relief, total happiness.

Sorrow, fear, and depression are like a kind of garbage. But these bits of garbage are part of real life, and we must look deeply into their nature. We can practice so as to turn these bits of garbage into flowers. We should not throw anything out. All we have to do is learn the art of composting, of trans­forming our garbage into flowers. In the practice of Buddhism, we see that all mental formations—including compassion, love, fear, sorrow, and despair—are organic in nature. We do not need to be afraid of any of them, because transformation is always possible. With just a smile and mindful breathing, we can start to transform them. When we feel fear or irritation or depression, we can recognize their presence and practice the Freedom Phrases below.

A mantra is a kind of magic formula that, once uttered, can entirely change a situation. It can change us, and it can change others. But this magic formula must be spoken in concentra­tion, with body and mind focused as one.

What you say in this state of being becomes a mantra. I share these four mantras as supports for the practice of coming back to really be there for ourselves and our loved ones, releasing fear, cultivating true love, and restoring communication. These mantras can be very effective for watering the seeds of happiness in yourself and your beloved and for transforming fear, suffering, and loneliness.

Mantra for Offering Your Presence

The most precious gift you can give to the one you love is your true presence. So the first mantra is very simple: “Dear one, I am here for you.”

In our everyday life, most of us have very little time to culti­vate our love. We are all so busy. In the morning while eating breakfast, we don’t take time to look at the people we love. We eat very quickly while thinking about other things, and sometimes we even hold a newspaper that blocks out the faces of our loved ones. In the evening when we come home, we are too tired to be able to look at them.

When you love someone, the best thing you can offer that person is your presence. How can you love if you are not there? Come back to yourself, look into his eyes, and say, “Darling, you know something? I’m here for you.” You’re offer­ing him your presence. You’re not preoccupied with the past or the future; you are there for your beloved. You must say this with your body and with your mind at the same time, and then you will see the transformation.

Mantra for Recognizing Your Beloved

The second mantra is, “Dear, I am happy you are here.”

To be there is the first step, and recognizing the presence of the other person is the second step. Because you are fully there, you recognize that the presence of your beloved is some­thing very precious. You embrace your beloved with mindful­ness, and he or she will bloom like a flower. To be loved means first of all to be recognized as existing.

These first two mantras can bring happiness right away, even if your beloved is not there in your physical presence. You can use the telephone or e-mail to say them. “Dear one, I know that you are there, and it makes me very happy.” This is real meditation. In this particular meditation, there is love, compassion, joy, and freedom—the four elements of true love as described by the Buddha.

Mantra for Relieving Suffering

The third mantra is what you practice when your beloved is suffering: “Dear, I am here for you.”

Even before you do anything to help, your wholehearted presence already brings some relief, because when we suffer, we have great need for the presence of the person we love. If we are suffering and the person we love ignores us, we suffer more. So what you can do—right away—is to manifest your true presence to your beloved and say the mantra with all your mindfulness: “Dear one, I know that you are suffering. That is why I am here for you.” And already your loved one will feel better.

Your presence is a miracle, your understanding of his or her pain is a miracle, and you are able to offer this aspect of your love immediately. Really try to be there, for yourself, for life, for the people you love. Recognize the presence of those who live in the same place as you, and try to be there when one of them is suffering, because your presence is so precious for this person.

Mantra for Reaching Out to Ask for Help

The fourth mantra is a little bit more difficult: “Dear one, I am suffering; please help.”

This mantra is for when you are suffering and you believe that your beloved has caused your suffering. If someone else had done the same wrong to you, you would have suffered less. But this is the person you love the most, so you suffer deeply, and the last thing you feel like doing is to ask that person for help. You prefer to go to your room, lock the door, and cry there all alone. So now it is your pride that is the obstacle to reconciliation and healing. According to the teaching of the Buddha, in true love there is no place for pride.

When you are suffering like this, you must go to the person you love and ask for his or her help. That is true love. Do not let pride keep you apart. You must overcome your pride. You must always go to him or her. That is what this mantra is for. Practice for yourself first, to bring about oneness of your body and mind before going to the other person to say the fourth mantra: “Dear one, I am suffering; please help.” This is very simple but very hard to do.

Begin with Yourself

The four mantras work to remove fear, doubt, and isolation. They are not complicated or difficult to understand. And you don’t have to say them in Sanskrit or Chinese—English will do just fine. You should learn them by heart, and you must have the courage, the wisdom, and the joy to practice them. The practice of mindfulness, of meditation, consists of coming back to ourselves to restore peace and harmony. The energy that enables us to do this is mindfulness, an energy that also carries with it concentration, understanding, and love. If we come back to ourselves to restore peace and harmony, then it will be much easier to help the other person and restore com­munication in our relationships.

Caring for yourself, reestablishing peace in yourself, is the basic condition for helping someone else. You can help an­other person stop bringing suffering on himself and others. Once you know how to defuse the bomb in yourself, you will know how to help your friend defuse the bomb in herself. To be able to help, we need to have at least a little calm, a little joy, a little compassion in us. We get these from practicing mindfulness in everyday life. Mindfulness isn’t something we practice only in the meditation hall; we also practice in the kitchen, in the garden, or when we are on the telephone, driv­ing the car, or washing the dishes. Being there with what is beautiful and healing inside us and around us is something we should do each day. And it is possible to do this in all our daily activities.

The Opposite of Fear

Often, our feel­ings of loneliness and isolation feed our fears and encourage them to grow. We can call Jesus, FATHER and PURE MIND for sup­port: “Father, I need your presence. I have a big fear, and by myself I cannot embrace it. So please help me.” We breathe together, and with our combined energy of mindfulness we are able to recognize, embrace, and transform that fear. We know we are part of GOD, i.e. drops of water, and we will make it to the ocean together.

Deep Listening and Loving Speech

Compassionate listening and loving speech to our selves and others. Without this ability, we cannot succeed in restoring har­mony, love, and happiness.

Quan Yin is the bodhisattva who has true presence and can listen and understand the sounds of the world, the cries of suffering.

1. You have to practice breathing mindfully in and out so that compassion always stays with you.
2. You listen without giving advice or passing judgment.
3. You can say to yourself about the other person, “May they be well and peaceful.”

This is called compassionate listening. You have to listen in such a way that compassion remains with you the whole time you are listening.

That is the art. If half­way through listening, irritation or anger comes up, then you cannot listen deeply anymore. You have to practice in such a way that every time the energy of irritation and anger comes up, you can breathe in and out mindfully and continue to hold compassion within you. No matter what the other person says, even if there is a lot of injustice in his way of seeing things, even if he condemns or blames you, you continue to sit very quietly, breathing in and out.

If you are not in good shape, if you do not feel that you can go on listening in this way, let the other person know. Ask your friend, “Dear one, can we continue in a few days? I need to renew myself. I need to practice so that 1 can listen to you in the best way I can.”

Practice more walking meditation, more mindful breathing, and more sitting meditation to restore your capacity for compassionate listening.

THICH NHAT HANH