1. Understand the origin of the fear

• Identify the cause: Was the fear planted by parents as a method of discipline? Did you see a scary movie at a young age that made the idea feel more real? Knowing the cause can help you reframe the experience in a rational way.
• Recognize the difference between perception and reality: As adults, our minds can still fall into the mental trap of filling in the gaps of darkness with frightening images, but we have the cognitive ability to challenge those thoughts.

2. Explore cognitive-behavioral techniques

• Use cognitive restructuring: A core component of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this involves challenging and replacing irrational thoughts. When you feel fear, question the reality of the boogeyman by asking:
  • What is the evidence that the boogeyman is real?
  • How likely is it that the “bump in the night” was the boogeyman rather than the wind or an old house settling?
  • How do you know you can cope with the feeling of fear, even if it feels unpleasant?
• Practice gradual exposure: Gradually exposing yourself to the dark can help you become desensitized to the fear.
  • Start by spending time in dimly lit rooms.
  • Progress to sitting in a dark room with a trusted friend or pet.
  • Eventually work your way up to sitting alone in a dark room and tolerating the discomfort.

3. Change your perspective through practical exercises

• Talk it out with the fear itself: Psychologists from UCLA found that arachnophobes who verbalized their fears directly to spiders felt less afraid afterward. Try this by looking at a dark space and telling the “boogeyman” that you aren’t afraid. This verbalization can help you name and own your fear, reducing its power.
• Use humor to make it silly: Make the boogeyman less scary by giving it a silly makeover. Write or draw a story where the boogeyman is a ridiculous character who slips on a banana peel or has a clumsy, goofy side.
• Focus on the positive aspects of the darkness: Try to make your room a safe and pleasant space. Add soft lighting, warm, happy decor, and remove any clutter that might cause anxiety. Listen to an upbeat podcast or calming music to fill the silence with something pleasant.

4. Regulate your anxiety response

• Use breathing exercises: If you feel a faster heartbeat or sweaty palms, focus on your breath. Breathing in for a count of four and out for seven can help calm your body and mind. Practice this daily so it becomes an automatic response.
• Practice mindfulness: Be present in the moment and observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This helps you realize that a thought is just a thought and not necessarily reality.

1. Acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings

• Avoid shaming your child by telling them the fear is “silly.” Instead, comfort them while gently reminding them that the boogeyman is not real.
• Help your child give their fear a name to tame it. For example, if they’re afraid of “the monster,” have them describe it. This can help them feel a sense of control.

2. Empower your child with action

• Create “monster spray”: Fill a spray bottle with water and let your child spray it in dark corners to chase the monsters away. This gives them an active role in fighting their fear.
• Look in the dark together, but don’t reinforce the fear: Check under the bed with your child, but avoid doing it every night, as that can validate their belief that monsters might exist. After a few checks, let them know you’ve looked and that the room is safe.

3. Maintain a comforting bedtime routine

• Use night lights or dimmable lamps: A small amount of light can be comforting and help reduce anxiety.
• Introduce a comfort object: Giving a child a favorite blanket or stuffed animal can provide a sense of security and safety.